Philosophers in a sentence

I just felt like doing this, it’s not going to be perfect or complete at all:

Arendt: Evil can be banal.
de Beauvoir: Something about ambiguity?
Camus: Life isn’t fair but fuck it, make it your bitch instead while you can.
Descartes: The only certain thought I can have is that I’m thinking, and also some stuff about God.
Epicurus: Pleasure is dope but also complicated?
Foucault: Prisons are fucked, fucking is fucked, and also… uh… acid?
Gadamer: Jesus who knows, that guy is over my head.
Hobbes: Anarchy is shit, therefore totalitarianism.
I… don’t know any philosophers that start with I.
Jaspers: Technology is a fickle mistress?
Kant: I Kant get no satisfaction. Just kidding, uh… the categorical imperative and synthetic a priori blah blah stuff.
Liebniz: This is the best of all possible worlds, and also… other stuff probably.
Marx: Capitalism is fucked.
Nietszche: God is dead and we have killed him, so we need to find a new way to talk about moral issues or we’ll just be totally hosed.
Oppenheimer: is a name that maybe corresponds to a philosopher I have no idea
Pascal? Plutarch? I got nothin on either.
Quine: fucking, like… qua? Do I only think he coined that because they both start with Q?
Rousseau: Uhhh beauty and stuff and also society, honestly I don’t remember.
Sartres: Existentialist broo-haha. What more is there to know, and also it’s a great word.
Thoreau: one should experience nature, and oneself… thoroughly. I’ll go.
U…?
Voltaire: Y’all academics are all nuts, don’t @ me.
Wittgenstein: What are words, mannnnn?
X…
Y…
Zeno: All movement is basically a math miracle.